Of SRDs and bananas

Ok here it is: I don't like them, you don't like them. To be honest we're all a bit ashamed of them. I've already been mocked by in certain quarters just for mentioning them. But we need to try these things; if we don't experiment we never learn anything. Apparently they emit a terrible squealing noise when dragged along the ground causing onlookers to leap aside in terror. They even leave marks on the floor if depressed too firmly. But dogwalkers who use extendable leads need to be punished and punished severely - so strapping them to the back of one's skates and using them as a heel brake down
steep hills is fully justifiable
and kills two birds with one stone in my book.

Meanwhile, I've managed to discreetly acquire a much less fun but infinitely more embarrassing speed retardant device. This probably isn't really designed for banana-rockered wheels. As you can see from the photos, there's about 4 mm clearance when the skate is on the middle two wheels, but when on the rear wheels it's about 2mm.





This should be fine as long as I'm skating on marble. Newly polished marble. Bouncing around the Lakes on rutted tarmac is going to more difficult. Every time I surmount a blade of grass or traverse a mote of dust I'm gonna grind to a halt as the SRD touches down.
One alternative may be to mount it on the front of the frame to act as a kind of snow plough to clear a path in the sheep pooey areas?
Actually, now I come to think of it mounting the dog walkers at the front to act as the sheep poo plough may be the best option.


At the moment, however, the best I can do is to have three 80mm wheels at the rear, removing the rocker at the back, and sticking with the 76mm wheel at the front to allow some manoeuvrability. I believe this is known as the "EU banana rocker" as it conforms to European curvature standards.
I'd like to try this set up out in Southport before my next skatepedition next Tuesday, but:

A. There are no hills whatsoever in Southport.
B. Small children on plastic Barbie skates would mock & kick sand in my face
C. I would be harangued within an inch of my life by my skating colleague CK.

So SkatesLakesBrakes here we come.